this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
