you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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