I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
