Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
