Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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