wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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