Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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