so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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