If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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