Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
