Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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