my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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