At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
