My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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