I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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