It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize