i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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