I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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