Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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