needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
