I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
