not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
