I wish my penis had an off switch
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
