Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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