If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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