Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
