you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
