It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
foreskin is a definite game changer
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
