In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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