Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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