Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
