gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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