I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
