just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
