I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
