there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
