Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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