Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
