with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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