I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize