Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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