i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
