hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
