my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just had sex on a roof
I need to sanitize my soul.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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