i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
All the doctor said was why
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
