this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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