hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
