i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
