just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
