bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
