Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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