I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
