I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
