Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
