Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dual....:-)
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
