farters have to be the big spoon...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
