It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
