Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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