his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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