I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
