So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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