dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
