I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
