She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
