no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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