I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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