i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize