ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
please don't ironically join a cult
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