My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
