Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
