i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
