this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Say something about gay babies.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
