I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
