she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just had sex on a roof
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
