we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
