Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
