i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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