I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
