there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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